I hope the same thing doesn't happen here as with a certain other MK PP, where he's added back after a short while only to cheat again.

Quote:


So that explains why I'm not so good at this game, because I NEVER felt as much invested in it omg

I think now is a better time for me to say my last words to the community as a whole. Everyone has the right to be angry, You can shit on me all you want. Just please don’t dox me fully. With that out of the way I should give the community a better explanation before I depart fully.


Why I did it: I simply couldn’t keep my pace up. Cutting a certain amount of af per week became more of a chore instead of enjoyment and satisfaction. After seeing others fly up the rankings I felt I had to do the same but better. Instead of focusing on just playing for fun, I just wanted to be better than others. But I couldn’t do it. Honestly this is a good experience for me personally. I have always been one to put pressure on themselves to do well, to the point where it became unhealthy. I couldn’t function in school after not having perfect test scores. It gave me anxiety and depression and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Now those are just words. Obviously that’s not true. But when you’re in that state of mind, you don’t think like that. You lose the ability to think rationally. I’ve been this way since the day I was born. After a decade and a half I’m still this way. That’s just how some people are. Now is a good opportunity for me to take a step back and move on. Since I was never able to do that in the past and now I’m being forced to.




Why did I act the way I did: Again this can all go back to my early childhood. I was the shy kid growing up. No friends, barely spoke a word. I was always nervous being around people and interacting with them. So I didn’t build any social skills early on. The most communication I have is with people online. Being online is quite different then in person. But at the same time there are many similarities. Honestly I’m still very bad with deep relationships. Being online made me feel more relaxed. I didn’t have the same fear that I did in person. So it was easier for me to act immature in a space where I felt more comfortable. After being part of the community for a while I became too comfortable. That was the problem. I stopped acting the same way online as I do in person. I started being more edgy etc. Everyone is different as well of course. I’m sure a few people don’t mind that kind of behavior, But most do. My tendency to be quick to jump to conclusions also wasn’t appealing. Another thing is my words, even right now I’m just typing what pops to mind. In 20 minutes I might think things here differently. Just the way I am. There are some people in the community that I very much love and want to be friends with still. I want to wrk on myself for them.



Now, I have no clue if any of this makes sense. I’m just writing what’s on my mind. I am obviously very embarrassed of what I’ve done, I know a lot of people are very disappointed. I apologize. I made a lot of friends over the past year, I should’ve known to treat them and the community better.

Logan keep well!!!

If u give up things will get much worse!!!

I too have Anxiety and probably Depression. I often feel depressed whether I have Depression or not I don't know. I was diagnosed with Depression in the past.

Eventhough I am told I am not depressed anymore, I often feel like I am.

Also 4 anyone reading this who might b thinking, "Stephen keeps bringing up personal things about himself that no one speaks about and says he doesn't want 2 speak about it." The reason I do this is, I am a lot more comfortable than most people saying I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and mental illness as well, without elaborating on how it affects me or the cause of these conditions. As long as I don't speak about my history or impact of my conditions specific 2 me, I am comfortable telling the world.

It's good 2 spread awareness I know what I am comfortable sharing and not comfortable sharing. I am much more comfortable telling the world these things because I've got NO shame. I am SUPER PROUD actually

Persons with mental illness and/or disability r STRONG 4 pushing on in life with such hardships!!!!!

Autism Spectrum Disorder is NOT a mental illness. Persons with Autism have uniquely wired brains and r disadvantaged in the world as it is with some big advantages over others. Autism is NOT a Intellectual Disability or physical disability.

Life might get better Logan, but it can get much worse if u give up!!!!

Keep going, I know what it's like 2 feel very anxious and depressed as well as feeling like things r meaningless. As well as feelings of anger and life isn't fair

Goodluck Logan

All the best,
Stephen