Master Kek

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Here's some classic comedy gold: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he wanted to.

I'm half the man I used to be.

Instead of playing Mario Kart 64, I play Mario Kart 32. I drink beer by the three-pack, and I get a sheet and a half to the wind. I like to go to the casino and play slot machines, and hoping all the reels stop on 3½. In blackjack, I try to be the closest to 10½ without going over. When I take a nap, I catch twenty winks. I wear a five-gallon cowboy hat. My cat has four and a half lives. My favorite music group is The Jackson 2½. But I also like 19 Special, Level 21, and 5,000 Maniacs. I am looking forward to my 7 minutes and 30 seconds of fame. If I don't feel like paying for something at the corner 3½-Five-and-a-Half store, I'll get it via two-and-a-half-finger discount. Sometimes I feel like I'm at threes and three-and-a-halfs, or that I'm behind the four ball, and sometimes I'm caught in a Catch-11. I get dressed to the four-and-a-halfs and I like to play a little five-pin bowling. I read "Goldilocks and the Bear and a Half" to my half-kid. I get my kicks on Route 33. During the holidays I sing the song "The Six Days of Christmas". My favorite TV shows are Four is Enough, Just the Five of Us, and 9 Kids and Counting. Sometimes I even watch Beverly Hills 45105. My favorite songs include Paul Simon's "25 Ways to Leave Your Lover", "9½" by Paul Hardcastle, "I Can't Drive 27½" by Sammy Hagar, Kathy Mattea's "Nine Wheels and Six Roses", and "Eight Candles" by the Crests. I've got 22½s of all those songs. Songs by the Two Tops aren't too bad either. My favorite condiment is Heinz 28½. I'm a patriotic guy and I really feel the spirit of '38.

My favorite films include 4 3/4 Weeks, Fahrenheit 455.5, 50½ Dalmatians, 13½ Dresses, Gone in Thirty Seconds, Six Angry Men, and 6½ going on 15. I like to read as well. My favorite book is George Orwell's 992.

27-20 or Fight!

(Yeah, I know, this sounds just like something straight out of the old Square One Television show...)

^ They showed Square One Television in the UK as well back when you were growing up?  

You gotta like that old Chicago song, "12½ or 3 to 2". Or how about the Proclaimers singing "I'm Gonna Be (250 Miles)". Miracle on 17th Street is my favorite holiday film. I've seen U1 (and UB20) in concert and I've been digging the Haircut 50 song "Love Plus One-Half".

If you'll excuse me, I've got a 42-month itch, and I also need to mow the back 20.

Can we play Ten Questions later on?

I have a lot of jokes of unemployed people but none of them work...

I like to read English jokes because most of them are completely new to me. The tennis one was ace.

Glozboy wrote on 01/18/17 at 07:47:26:

Antistar wrote on 01/18/17 at 08:06:11:

What a pun!! These ball boys have made two great jokers in a row, please let's have a mini-break now.

Harvey Kartel wrote on 01/18/17 at 12:26:06:

So is Neece supposed to mean the tit.

Harvey Kartel wrote on 01/18/17 at 12:26:06:

Harvey Kartel wrote on 01/18/17 at 14:06:07:


Very nice, Nick and she is well know here in France, with Brice de Nice

Nicholas, I forgot to say that the US version of the French movie Brice de Nice must be named Nick of Nike ^^

What do you call losing against in the KC 2K16 final? -fEtch

Harvey Kartel wrote on 01/18/17 at 15:13:09:

Oh yeah. That makes sense too. Are we just gonna assume this lady has no idea she's topless though. Well, it is a joke.   You know, you had a pretty good joke there actually. You just kind of hurt my feelings man. The way you used "..." in your first post towards me. Sometimes it's the little things man. And that smiley too.   . Anyways, you have a good night man.