Fellow karters, I have experienced an epiphany.

I have realized that my mental and physical wellbeing is greatly dependent on my performance in the 2K10 Karter Contest. If I do not get into the semifinals, at LEAST, I will be distraught and forevermore view myself as a failure, not only as a karter but a human being. In the fast paced and highly competitive modern life we all live in, success is something that must be sought after until it is attained. I cannot logically justify my prior antagonism towards my cause - who wants to fail? Not me. If I continued calling people retarded faggots and urging people not to vote for me my social standing on these forums, an integral part of my identity and psychological makeup, would be undermined and this is a risk I am not willing to take. Additionally, I cannot justify spending countless hours racing Bowser around a track if my accomplishments are not rewarded by acceptance in this community of fellow kart enthusiasts. What am I if I am not a karter? The answer: nothing.

Having contemplated this state of affairs I am happy to announce a new campaign policy. If I do well and place in the quarterfinals, I will release a documentary. This documentary will chronicle a typical day in the life of Yunus Aricanli, karter extraordinaire. It will include a tour of my house, academic institution and place of employment. I will also include interviews of several of my peers who will recount the numerous ways that I have impacted their lives. I can guarantee that it will be a heart-wrenching experience. The documentary will also showcase me playing several different kart games with some acquaintances. This is not an opportunity to be missed - it's not every day that one can view a karter of my caliber display his prowess across multiple Mario Kart games. As an added bonus, I will demonstrate a profusion of little known tips and tricks across various platforms. In this way, voting for me will promote your own kart savvy.

But that's not all! I will be taking requests for my documentary. I will answer questions about myself or any other subject on camera. I will also perform one stunt that is agreed upon by means of popular consensus. I have no conditions. I will do anything for my beloved supporters.

Remember though that I will only post this video upon my advancement to the quarterfinals. I hate to withhold gratification from my proponents but it is the only feasible way to cement my victory in this contest. I am completely certain that upon my posting of the video I will rally the users of this forum, friends and foes, and ensure the achievement of my goal - to be recognized as the ultimate karter. Remember, compatriots, that reward is meaningless without hard work and sacrifice. Prove your allegiance to my cause by supplanting the realization of that which has been my dream since I first joined the message board. I assure you that I will deliver on my promise.

Lastly, I would like to apologize to all that I have offended during my stay on these boards. I call things as I see them but that does not excuse the abuse I have rained upon many of you. Some may see my former mistreatment of others as 'completely unwarranted' and 'lacking cause, meaning and, often, coherency'. On behalf of myself I express the deepest remorse, admit my guilt and beg for your forgiveness. As consolation to the more pious members of our community I acknowledge that I have already asked for absolution for all of my (numerous) sins from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Remember the old adage "Forgive thy neighbor". I have forgiven all of you and simply ask the same in return.

This board has long been characterized not as a docile and amiable community of kartbros but as a place rife with strife and turmoil. It is time to turn the page. I am confident that we can reconcile our differences and reform this board which we all call "home" into what it is meant to be - not a warzone but a community. And I am equally confident that this can be accomplished in no better way than to collude on the success of my campaign. If a dark horse like me can emerge victorious in this Karter Contest, who's to say that this board is beyond repair? Join me, fellow karters, in bringing about much needed change to this community. If I can, so can you!

I'm liking the new Brutus  

If I do not get into the semifinals, at LEAST, I will be distraught and forevermore view myself as a failure, not only as a karter but a human being. In the fast paced and highly competitive modern life we all live in, success is something that must be sought after until it is attained. I cannot logically justify my prior antagonism towards my cause - who wants to fail? Not me.

Amen.

Real or Imagined? wrote on 05/18/10 at 09:36:19:


I thought you signed a ceasefire treaty?

I did some thinking today and decided that if I reach the quarter finals I will upload a montage of me ghost riding my whip. I'm still up for more suggestions, however. Anything for my fans!

Penev, I am underage. Furthermore, I am loathe to fulfill your pedophiliac desires.