The holiday that had everything!  PART THIRTY SIX!!!!

And so whilst i was giving my best efforts to prance around the pitch like the biggest prat Norway had ever seen, others were in the thick of the action enjoying a great match! I cannot recall for the life of me what the teams were, but i do remember Lindsay charging, trying to foul me every time i had the ball!   My best effort was a curler going into the bottom corner which was saved well by Mr athlete of the day Florent. Seriously the guy must have downed the Lucozade or Red Bull before this game because he was on fire! He was amazing in goal and lethal going forward. Now Norway certainly was not short of characters and with Roger Federer in goal, a one armed bandit cheering on from the sidelines and the monkey like figure of Drew it was almost like a scene from the circus! Skippy, sport, lounge lizard drinking Eric was great fun in goal at the other end. With Eric not exactly the tallest guy i was amazed at how he managed to keep any shots out of the net! It was once again great fun and the camaraderie that was present was once again truly special.

With myself and others now sweating like the proverbial beasts, it was off to the showers to cool down before the evenings entertainment. Come the early hours it would in fact be time to say goodbye to all our various Dutch friends. The likes of Karel, Steven, Lindsay and Vince were soon to depart and so the numbers in Norway would soon go down futher. Before they would leave there would be one more small scale tournament to take place. Sami announced plans earlier for a 'beginners' SMK tournament. It was for players ranked 200th or below on the site. It would involve racing on 3 of the Mushroom cup tracks, which would be pulled out at random. 6 players would compete and the guy or girl with the biggest amount of wins vs the others would triumph. When Sami said i was included i didn't want to play. Having got to the quarter finals on the real SMK i had a feeling i would be too strong for the others. Sami insisted that me and Vince were on a level so i joined in.

The six players that competed were myself, Vincent, Lindsay, Arbinder, Alistair and i think Neil. They all did quite well actually despite hardly playing the game. I won all my matches before taking on Vince, who i believe had won all of his too in the final battle. Not to be fair on Vince, SMK is not really his bag. If it had been a match on MK 64 or MKDD i am sure he would have destroyed me and made me weep great big man tears.  :'( However this was SMK and if i stood a chance at beating him in a karting sense then this was surely it. With it being a no-brainer that i would be victorious on BC1, i just had to play it safe on the other tracks. Vince was pretty solid, but i had slightly more experience and i think that showed. In the end i won the SMK 'beginners' tournament despite not exactly meeting the beginner level requirements! I had won two small scale tournaments with no prize to show for it.    

With all the tournaments now over, you could be inclined to think that was the end of our Norway'07 adventure. You would be mistaken. With everything gaming wise done and dusted, everyone could now let their hair down and either revel in the glory of victory or despair at some piss poor efforts. I think by now most people were well aware of Harold's fondness for the male arse and i tried to avoid him at all costs. With the Dutchies due to leave at 6.00am and with it now being pretty late i thought 'what the heck' may as well stay up with them all. And so we chatted a lot, we laughed a lot and i am sure The Gaff probably made his way through a fair few more cans. Now despite my constant mocking of the Dutch camps gaming victories and efforts, i actually really enjoyed their company out there. Life would have been a lot worse with less yoghurts, less next level gaming and less banter. It was a sad morning the next day when we bid our farewells. Steven promised to meet Biff in October, Karel asked me if i was ready to reclaim the beads and Lindsay was probably desperate for another bar of Dutch chocolate. As they departed i asked Gaff to 'bust out the opera' and he duely obliged. With the tune 'It's time to say goodbye' by Bocelli pumping out of the Gaff's start of the art piece of phone kit, it was a fitting end to the country that reigned supreme in Norway'07. Of course a rendition of 'ring of fire' was also called for and i can just picture Patrick doing his dance in the clubs in Holland! The Dutch had left and it was down to remaining guys to carry on the party. It was the English brigade with their close allies from USA and Australia along with the French and of course Marius and co.

With around 12 of us that had travelled over left as well as Marius, Marit and their friends, it was certainly a bit less crowded on that Wednesday morning. After various people had slept and woke up, Sami came to me with word that Marius was trying to organise a go-karting trip as a surpise for everyone! I was well up for it and determined to show everyone who was boss. This would well and truly sort the men from the boys. Once Marius had sorted out drivers we were all set! This would be awesome. The go-karting was about a 45 min drive away from the venue and a fun journey was in store. Me and Sami decided to use the quickest and best form of transport available in Norway - the Marius Motor!!

Part 37 coming soon!!!!

Clark deserved it.

The holiday that had everything!  PART THIRTY SEVEN!!!!

So just before departing i took the time to observe the Marius cruiser which would take us to our destination. It certainly looked hench, but i had serious doubts as to how fast the car would go or if we would even arrive at all! My fears were cast aside however when Marius opened the hood to reveal some serious modifications that would enhance the speed and performance power of his vehicle. I really should have known this to be the case. Marius loves his modified consoles and transformers so the two surely go hand in hand!   I think either Arbinder or Neil and maybe Ali were also in the car as we departed. Most of the journey was spent either laughing at Eric in the car in front or holding on for dear life! Marius is a great driver no doubt and his driving style certainly seemed familiar to me. He reminded me of Biff and i would love to see a race between those two one day! Again i was amazed by the beautiful scenery that surrounded us as we drove past the mountains and valleys. It truly took my breath away and i enjoyed breathing in the clean air. It was an adventure all in itself as we had to negotiate various toll gates and massive long tunnels. It could in fact have been a Mario Kart track!   Can just imagine on any future MK release the new track - Norwegian Peak 1 and 2! It was a lot of fun and we arrived at the Go-karting in very high spirits. I could not wait!  

Once everyone had arrived and various banter had begun, we entered the vacinity. Inside it was basically a kind of entertainment complex which also had a fast food joint, an arcade, pool tables and various other forms of fun and frolics. We all had to register our names at the front desk and decide who wanted to race against who. Now we had been having various discussions earlier in the day about who would be the best at go-karting. Me and the Gaff both thought the Scott man aka Eric would be hard to beat. With his low centre of gravity and sturdy legs from his crocodile wrestling back in Townsville, he would present a real challenge. I was also interested to see how all the top SMK karters like Sami, Florent and Pierre would do in a different kind of racing environment. I was convinced the people that drive cars back at home eg Florent, Eric, myself and Arbinder would possibly be the best. That does not always follow though. I decided i wanted to race against Eric and give him a run for his money. The rest of the group was made up of Sami, Tom, Alistair and Marius's Norwegian friend. We were up first and had a first glimpse of the track that awaited us. It looked brilliant, full of twists and turns and a massive straight to pick up some real speed on! It was all indoor of course. First we would have to try and find a boiler suit, dustman attire, racing gear that actually fitted us. Easier said than done. After i pranced around like a clown from clothes to clothes finding none that fitted i was starting to get mad! Eventually i was ready for action, but man was it hot inside those helmets! Before we actually sat in our karts on the starting grid we noticed a podium with spots for first, second and third. Basically if you finished in the top three you could pose for pics on the podium! Awesome.   Let the racing begin....

The go-karting was set up to be competitive right from the start. All lap times for each participant would be recorded and your position out of six would be determined by your fastest lap time recorded during the ten minute session. And so the battle commenced. Straight off the bat i could not believe the speed Eric was flying round thr track. He was fast as a whippet and would surely give both Road Runner and Speedy Gonzalez a run for their money on this evidence! I will say it once again for those not in the know. Eric Scott is a LEGEND. I set about determined to keep up a good speed and not crash once. Within about two mins i noticed the Gaff struggling. He was not only a hazard to himself, but also blocking the way for others. He had crashed pretty early on and i was cracking up!! This was not a "Gaff Track" for sure!   He was basically stuck whilst everyone else whizzed past! Sami was soon joined by both Ali and Sami on the sidelined temporarily! It was left to me, Eric and Marius's pal to keep things going!   For a fair few minutes there were just the three guys flying around the track doging the various crashed karts in front of them. It was almost like an SMK track complete with various hazards to avoid!!! Sami, Tom and Ali soon returned to action and the fun continued. I must point out that everytime Eric zoomed up alongside me i shit myself. He was quite scary in that kart! He basically had an aura about him. No-one could stop him or get near him. Marius's friend was brutal. He kept bashing my kart and gave my back spinal chord all sorts of problems! Honestly after the karting was over my back was bruised big time! It was shocking. Having fun can sometimes be detrimental to one's well being!

I thought i bet Donkey Kong or Bowser never complain about the odd scratch or wound on SMK, so be a man! I battled on and eventually came third on lap times. I got on the podium!   The bruiser from Norway was second and the Tornado from Townsville the clear winner in first place. Well done Eric you rocked the show. Eric stood taller than the rest ( for once) and i started the victory parade........

Part 38 coming soon!!!!

I swear i ran in and passed the ball about to someone and they scored a heavy winning goal when we played the last football match... anyhow, reading todays one

JWB wrote on 09/11/07 at 05:32:35:


Cool, btw dont forget Drew's moment on the race track...

It will all be taken care of Tom, mark my words!  

And yeah Harold needs to post the video up of the classic moment....

The holiday that had everything!  PART 38!!!!

After all the carnage, chaos and undoubted fun of the go kart track, i was revelling in the glory of my 3rd place finish. Waving my helmet in the air like a flag of victory i proceeded to dance like an idiot to the ring of fire anthem. Photos were taken, shocked looks were given, but it was such great fun! Having really enjoyed the first race i was well up for giving some stick and shouting abuse and possibly support to the guys who would be racing next. Up stepped Pierre, Florent, Neil, Arbinder, Matt and Drew for the next battle! Two French guys, three english guys and a wildcard in the form of the crazy American. This would be very interesting. Would Pierre and Florent be just as good in a real kart? I had seen been in a car with Florent in France and know he is a damn good driver. How would he adapt to a smaller vehicle? Would him and Pierre team up for the good of their country? Or would old scores need to be settled. Maybe Pierre had revenge on his mind after his SMK defeat to his pal. It was the first time i had seen Neil behind the wheel of anything let alone a go-kart. The guy clearly looked startled and rather nervous behind the wheel. I think i was more interested in what Drew had up his sleeve or in his kart to be honest. He is always smiling and grinning and so you never know when he is plotting something or not....

The action began and i was really pumped up for it. I was cheering and abusing Arbinder, amazed by Florent and perplexed by Neil!! With Neil and his long lost brother Pierre both competing it was hard telling them apart. Now the major give away was in the driving standard. Neil was driving really slow and Pierre was engaging in a on going high speed chase with Florent. Things soon got funnier when Neil rather than turning the obvious bend he was approaching (which all the karters in front had just turned round) thought it would be a good idea to drive straight into the tyres!!! That he did so at ultra slow speed made it even funnier! Sadly i somehow missed the incident live, but was shown on Harold's phone afterwards! Please somebody upload it or put it in the film! CLASSIC. Anyway whilst Florent was setting the standard, with Pierre and Matt locked in a battle with him, Drew was in his own little world....Sami suddenly pointed out something. Something bizzare, unexpected and to be honest a work that could only come from a genius! Drew was dropping banana skins out of his kart and on to the track!! It was like a real life SMK! I think he dropped one right by Matt, which due to his shock at seeing one made him nearly crash! Sadly i don't think anyone lost control due to the skins, but it was so funny! Sami reminded me the other day that Drew then threw a whole bag of skins onto the track too! Quite how he didnt get thrown out for that naughty act i will never know. Can you just imagine that happening in real formula one though?!? Lewis Hamilton on the track speeding around whilst throwing banana peels at his rivals!!

The action was intense and the competition fierce. The French proved yet again that they were pretty amazing karters both in a virtual world and a physical one. Florent i think recorded the fastest lap time and took the honours. I also think both Matt and Pierre finished in second and third, although i can't remember what order. It was obvious that the original prankster Drew lost both speed and sanity due to his hilarious antics on the track. After the sceond race there was time for a final one for whoever wanted a second go. Most of the fastest karters returned for a final bash. Eric, Florent, Pierre, Matt, myself and Sami i think all had a second go. I really should have known better. With my back already pretty darn unstable, the likes of Matt and Florent were the true heavyweights of the field, bullying everyone in their path. Florent was a man not to be messed with, whilst dangermouse Eric was also once again in his element. It's funny because i think almost everyone beat their fastest lap time from earlier, some by a good couple of seconds. I can remember knocking at least 3 seconds off, but yet still finished last. It was clear my skills were not quite up to those of the elite company i shared. Once again i think Eric won. Once again he was the top gun and should be rightfully proud of his efforts. Florent may very well have been second.

A lot of fun had been had, a lot of banter exchanged and there was now a lot of very tired and aching limbs! Harold had been conspicious by his absence from the session. Sadly his unfortunate shoulder injury had not allowed him to compete, but he remained once again in high spirits. I'm sure he enjoyed all the rear bashing of karts and intense high energy action that took place. He may well have muttered a few comments about "arses" too. The peckish amongst the group headed to the Burger Bar for some hi calorie refreshments. Sami basically demanded a "1/4 pound Biff burger and chips" The response of the girl serving him was a classic "I am sorry, but we have no more Biff burgers"   Biff was running the show in Norway! They had basically sold out of Beef Burgers! I actually think maybe Steven Zwartjes had popped in on the way to the airport and eaten them all. The buffet was well and truly closed! As Steven had commented earlier in the week "If it is a Biff burger it must be fucking huge" We eat, drank and were merry.

Part 39 coming soon!!!!

Right I've got the times of the Go kart, well the ones I was in anyway.
Round 1 -
Eric(or Erik as the sheet says) - 25.622
Stian - 28.029
John - 29.191
Tom - 29.551
Arbinder - 30.176
Alistair - 31.648 and then again after his kart change
Alistair - 32.396

and the final round

Eric - 25.259
Florent - 25.879
Matthes - 26.439
Pierre - 26.596
Sami - 27.216
Stian - 27.376
John - 27.751
Alistair - 31.739

I've been waiting for these parts of the story, the only thing I went alright in. Florent was awesome, he would have been much quicker if he wasn't built like he is. But in the end I was still the man   I reckon I could have gone quicker with an empty track, I did a 25.56 and was when I got slowed up a little on the last couple of corners, probably would have broken into the 24's.
Lap record is 23.775, so I was still a fair way away from that. Why wasn't there a prize for this competition!!

yeah bruv! when you do the mountain write up you should add the pics from facebook, if you're not sure how get sami to you help you as you just have to use the button above this box.

The holiday that had everything!  PART THIRTY NINE!!!!

Upon arrival back at the venue, those with gaming still on the brain strived to futher enhance their abilities by heading to the consoles. Others like The Gaff seemed content to simply bask in the glory of endless banter. We may have been short on numbers now, but we certainly were not short on characters! With Eric, still no doubt delighted with his awesome driving earlier and Harold still anticipating further action and scouting for potential victims, the small band of campers were still in high spirits. Sadly it would soon be time for the French to depart though. Florent, Harold and Pierre were scheduled to leave around 10.00PM that evening to head back to France. The place would surely be quieter without them. Hence a lot of packing was now going on with everyone determined not to leave anything valuable behind....That has just reminded me of another legendary rant earlier in the week from Neil Skipper. I had taken my laptop to Norway, in case anyone felt the urge to tap into my vast catalogue of recent movies and tv shows. In order for this to happen i required a european plug adapter. With others around the room being used i asked to borrow Neil's. He warned me not to lose it. Low and behold it went missing! The poor boy soon was steaming around the room, shaking and striking various walls all for his own amusement no doubt. He looked like Mr Burns on heat and it was quite funny to see him cursing and swearing about something as unimportant as a plug adaptor. So a word of warning to anyone that ever meets Neil. He is a nice enough guy, but don't bother stealing his book, plug adaptor or leather jacket! More on the jacket to come later...

So whilst the French were busy packing, various thoughts crossed my mind. Should i play one last prank on Harold? I certainly considered shitting in a bag and putting it in his suitcase, but i thought maybe that's too much. The itching powder that i had brought with me to Norway sadly went unused too. Easy to let him be rather than have him hell bent on revenge....After more gaming involving more Drew vs Florent battles and Pierre getting his last pixel or two out of SMK it was time once more to say our goodbyes. Florent, Harold and Pierre had all been great characters. They were all next level gamers, they had all brought laughter and banter with them in droves and they were all good fun. The two brothers Neil and Pierre would be parted once more, but i don't think it will be too long until they are reunited. Roger Federer was scheduled to play in the US Open and so had to leave ASAP! Florent had more reason than most to be proud of his efforts. He quite simply was immense in Norway and really deserved to be the SMK Champ. Harold, despite being highly irritating was never anything but entertaining. Despite his injury he had never once complained and had a great time regardless. In short he was one of the true legends of the holiday. Pierre also had really enjoyed the trip and been a great sport with the whole Neil on going joke. He even got me with the fart cushion! So as the French sped off, with Harold waving, shouting various obscene comments about the English arse etc, it was done to the last remaining few in Norway.....

The Swedish had gone, the Dutch had gone and now the French had gone. Try as Marius may have done, you could not deny or get rid of the English! It was down to Sami, Tom, myself, Matt, Arbinder, Neil and Alistair. Eric and Drew completed the awesome commonwealth line up. With all the packing done and the consoles packed away, all sanity seamed to have completely died. People were now taking it in turns to run and jump onto the stage. Hilarity prevailed when poor Ali, not exactly your model athlete, attempted to jump onto it after a run up. After three failed attempts he gave up! I obvously cleared it in one go....there are various videos of this up on facebook for those remotely interested or really bored....Drew had been harping on about possibly doing a spot of mountain climbing soon. My immediate reaction was "Are you insane" "We have a flight to catch at like 9.00 in the morning" Drew was adamant that he was going to do it, bearing in mind it was now around 11.00 at night and raining outside. Drew had already climbed the mountain during the week and assured us it would be safe. So without further argument, a merry band of daring folk decided to brave both the weather and whatever the mountain would throw at us!

Preparation was vital for this adventure of a lifetime. I opted for my brown hooded top and that most important item - the torch. Drew was not exactly attired correctly for such an outing. Sporting a cracking pair of shorts, and a t-shirt, i could not believe my eyes! Eric seemed well up for the trip and i am sure he had survived worse in his lifetime. It really had started to piss down with rain by the time we had reached the road. Thunder and lightning too. I was already regretting my decision to wear jeans as they were already soaked right through! Of the group that first set out, only a brave and legendary team of six would attempt the challenge ahead. Arbinder, Alistair and Neil all decided to turn back, once the rain reached ridiculous levels. We had not even reached the actual mountain base yet. As the three left us on the road it was down to Drew, Tom, Eric, Sami, Matt and the Barber to strive to survive......

Part 40 coming soon!!!!

JWB wrote on 09/17/07 at 03:05:50:

LOL.

It's nice to read what happened after we left

The holiday that had everything!  PART FOURTY!!!!

It was hard at this point for any member of the hunting party, other than Drew, to ascertain precisely what this little adventure had in store for us all. We were basically putting our very lives in the hands of a guy we had barely known for five minutes! Both me and Sami recalled comments Marius had made prior to the holiday, regarding certain mammals that frequented the woods we would have to negotiate on route. He had mentioned quite openly that Bears and Mooses liked to roam in the woods and mountains. Damn i wish i had brought a shotgun.... If this prospect alone wasn't enough to scare the shit out of us i don't know what was. Still, unfazed by the threats of said creatures running amok, the super six embarked on the adventure to beat all adventures. One to tell the grandchildren about and one that would live long in the memory. It was a treacherous route, let's make no bones about it. With the wind and rain reaching almost comical levels, i was beginning to wonder if we had made the right choice. I had water in my trainers, my hooded top felt about two stone heavier and all the guys were finding life somewhat difficult....

It basically started out as a bit of fun, a bit of light relief and in the early stages the spirits were high and the banter was flowing. We made our way through some trees and up a fairly steep grassy hill as we begun our journey. It had just gone 11.00PM at this point and i had no idea how long it would take to reach the top. Drew was the leader of the group and as The Gaff rightly pointed out, he was very much like your regular "mountain Yak" He was leading the way and seemed to be taking it all in his stride. Our first potential hazard was met in the form of a wire fence. I started joking that it was probably electric and we would all meet a nasty end. I don't think these comments were appreciated too much. We all got over it, unscathed and reached the top of the steep hill. We were now entering parts unknown. From the road all you could see were trees, trees, trees. What was in the trees and beyond it was unknown. What we did know was that it was a long way to the top, a long way. It looked big from the bottom, but you don't consider all the rocks, sheer drops, and slippery surfaces from down there. This really would be a challenge. We kind of paired up at this point. Drew and Eric were leading the way, myself and Tom followed, with Sami and Matt slightly behind. It made sense, because seriously we had to look out for one another up there. Anything could have happened and it was not about an air ambulance needing to be called out. If anyone fell or slipped the person would be there to stop potential disaster. It was actually surpisingly cool and the air was amazing up there. The further we got it was so refreshing to breath in this clean air. It did my body system the world of good. Back to the story and Drew was making great strides whilst the rest of us struggled. Actually Eric to be fair was also making short work of things. The Gaff, was pretty much game over after twenty mins or so. He was struggling and i think was finding it hard work on his legs in particular. Much to his credit he soldiered on and battled along with us. It's funny, because as the trees started to decrease in number, each tree that was spotted we made a bee line for. They were like little safehavens and you know a big tree is not going to give you any grief. It's not going to break away in your hands or scratch you up like other things did. They were useful to rest on before we contemplated our next steps.

Planning was of the upmost importance even once we were up there. Normally we were faced with a choice of route. Some simple, some not so simple. Certain parts we entered were also now a mudbath. The rain had really chucked down and things were becoming even more dangerous. We were no where near the top and not even halfway yet. I had my digital camera in my pocket, and regretted bringing it. It had all my pics from the holiday on it, and i thought if i lose this now i will go loops! It was starting to get darker and i had been using my torch as both a grappling stick at times, and for its usual purpose. Someway, somehow i managed to lose it. I must have put it down up there and forgot to pick it up. What a plonker Rodney.   It was a pretty good torch too. Oh well i am sure some equally intrepid explorer will find it one day....Speaking of which i was half expecting to see some bones and skeletons on route. Team's of guys who had not quite made it all the way. That had maybe met a Moose or Bear or both and made a nice,light snack for the beasts. Well Team Commonwealth was doing pretty damn well so far. It was very much like a band of brothers up there. No exaggeration. We really bonded up there and knew we need each other to get through it. Our clothes were muddy, wet and heavy. Our spirits were still good and we were determined.

As Drew and Eric stormed on, and me the Gaff amused ourselves, Sami shouted to us to "wait up" Matt had a problem. He had lost his glasses!! Quite how he managed to lose them without noticing is anyone's guess. Maybe they had got all steamed up and he could not see, managing to knock them off in the process?! It was quite baffling really, but also real bad news. I was concerned, not knowing how good his vision is without them. Would another guy have to drop out?!?

Part 41 coming soon!!!!

Barber has left out one vital piece of the puzzle.

I asked Drew, "Is there a path?"
"Yes" was the reply..

There was no path.