Two times two is still only four, with hopefully 50+ dudes you will still be hit on constantly I'm sure.

Probably nearly everyone.

Holy crap  

Funniest part so far, the vids are also great hahaha...

I'm taking my handgun with me, just in case someone wants my "arse..."

I can't imagine that happening to MJ lol because I've never met him.

I think the funniest part is Vince tripping over what he believed to be Drew sleeping.

The holiday that had everything!  PART THIRTY THREE!!!!

With morning creeping in and MJ creeping off, the Norway experience was now almost into phase two. It was out with the old and in with the new. The main tournaments were over, the gamers had proved or not proved who was the best and no doubt had their prize money wired straight into their respective bank accounts. Me, being silly i forgot two more important events that occured on Monday night which both warrant a mention. So bare with me a bit here. For weeks and months Sami had been working on his latest and greatest project 'Biff Part 2' which was mainly filmed in Paris in early 2007. Now many people in Norway had heard the stories and fables about the Biff legend. Many may have thought it was all fantasy. All made up and one big fabrication of a warped man's mind. Others like Steven and Karel knew Biff was the real deal and had met the great man in the flesh. Sami, in honour of Biff who sadly could not make it to Norway, decided to put on a special presentation of the recently completed 'Biff Part 2' dvd for anyone who was interested. Steven and Vincent grabbed front row seats for the big event and could not take their eyes of the screen. They were loving it!!! I don't think they could believe some of the stuff Biff was saying or doing. It was a great treat for Steven to relive some of the Biff Part one footage in flashback form. It was very enjoyable and made even more exciting by the hench television and speaker system it was presented on! Florent, Harold and Pierre were also keen observors. I am not quite sure how much of the humour the french guys understood, but they certainly enjoyed it and the film was greeted with a huge round of applause at the end!

It was at this point that Sami made another one of his trademark 'Big' announcements. He had a special treat lined up for me, Harold and Karel. I had no idea what he was going to whip out of his bag of tricks, but he sure seemed excited about the presentation. One by one he gave us a dvd of our Pro Evo Paris 2007 matches!! I was amazed and delighted by it and just by looking at the boxes you could see how long he had spent putting it together. The dvd was 50 mins long and contained three full matches. Me vs Harold, Me vs Karel and Karel vs Harold. Harold's little face lit up when he opened the box. There on the dvd disk was a big picture of my face! I dread to think what he had lined up with that dvd........Anyway i asked both Karel and Harold to sign the cover of my dvd and i even provided them with a black permanent marker to do so. Big mistake! After Karel had provided a very crisp, no doubt valuable autograph to the cover, Harold decided to ruin things once again. With all the writing skills of a three year old child he inscribed the dvd - 'To ze best ass i ever fucked'   Charming i thought....i wrote on his 'Feel no way to be gay' It was all rather stupid. As Vince pointed out on his earlier post, that night Harold was just out of control. He had already boasted about how good the Dutch arse was and he just had no shame. I thought to myself 'he will be gone in two days, he will be gone in two days'

With it now being Tuesday morning i was desperately trying to erase the events of the previous night from my memory. It had all been one big nightmare in my mind. I tried to convince myself that Harold did not exist and was a mere figment of my imagination. The illusion was shattered within a few seconds as i saw him stagger to the kitchen crying 'Barber' I decided it would be best if i just ignored him for most of the day and enjoyed the various small scale tournaments that had been arranged. To kick things off there was a very small SMK battle mode tournament sorted out. I had no idea who participated although i seem to recall being merked in the quarter finals by somebody. There was only eight guys competing and to be honest i thought we should have just stopped early and given Drew the title. He really is that good. Now i had heard how awesome Drew is at battle mode, how he could do tricks with shells and was basically unstoppable. Now seeing really is believing and Drew to put it bluntly kicks arse on battle mode!!!   I think he may have played Florent in the semi and ended up facing Pierre in the final. It was some insane amount of wins needed, something like first to ten. Now i thought i had seen it all in Norway i really did. I had seen one armed bandits, a comedic australian wearing a Crystal Palace shirt, two long lost brothers reunited, more yoghurt eaten than i had ever seen in my life, a cheshire cat in a hat, european threesomes, johnny cash resurrected and even Biff in the supermarket!!   I had not seen it all because i had not yet witnessed, in the flesh, in front of my very eyes the full skill of Drew Blumfield. It was like time stood still as he made short work of challenger after challenger. Me and Tom in particular were on the edge of our seats as Drew clashed with Pierre. Tom was constantly saying "this is awesome" "bruv" "this is awesome" It really was breathtaking at times. I was lost for words. Now Pierre is pretty skilled at battlemode, but Drew is from another planet! In fact i had often wondered that week what planet Drew was on. I may have to visit planet SMK battlemode because man oh man his shit was good.   After merciless beatings Pierre was defeated and Drew stood as champ.

Part 34 coming soon!!!!

Florent & Pierre are really good at battle mode. But once Drew was I think 4-2 down against Pierre in the finals you could see him cracking it up a notch (sp?) and after that he whiped the floor with Pierre 5-10. He was just toying all along. Makes me wonder what a match with an equally strong opponent would look like..... I can't even be sure that he played to his full potential even then. No disrespect to pierre and the other guys, they're better at battle mode than I will ever be in my respective game but Drew was just.... jawdropping.

speaking of videos...
we saw the pictures page that marit put up on the web.  where (if anywhere) can we find footage of this meet, whether it be tourneys or gay horseplay or whatever.  not that i'm looking for any of the latter.

20-100 wrote on 09/05/07 at 08:09:04:

He's good on MK64 too, but not THAT good

The holiday that had everything!  PART THIRTY FOUR!!!!

Drew really had shown just how amazing he is at SMK battle mode. I was ready to bow down at his feet there and then to be honest. I still think a statue should be errected back in the good old US of A in tribute to his accomplishments. I mean the statue of liberty is all when and good and what not, but i think the statue of Drew or the statue of Blumfield could be prove to be an even hotter tourist attraction!   Now Drew or Sideshow Bob as i called him because of his superb clown like feet, I swear the guy had like size 16 feet or something was on a high. He had gained the respect of his peers and i deemed him untouchable for any potential practical jokes or cursing. Man he may go 'battle mode' on me and unleash a furious three red shell combo! Sod that for a game of soldiers. Anyway Drew had now set the bar even higher. Just when the gaming standard had seemed at its highest yet, Drew pretty much matched anything that had been before. With the Super Nintendo's stock very much on the rise yet again, Sensible Soccer was the next game on the agenda to be unleashed in the gaming auditorium.  

Sensible Soccer, the classic case of shit graphics awesome gameplay. The game could be pretty much picked up and enjoyed by anyone and remains a classic to this day. Now i think 13 players signed up to participate in the tournament leaving 3 teams to be computer controlled. From memory the likes of Karel, Florent, Sami, Arbinder, Eric, Pierre, Matt, The Gaff, myself and even Lindsay amongst others participated. Now me and Sami decided to not pick the best teams to make things more interesting. Matt went for his tried and tested Ireland side. Hilarity prevailed (for me and Sami) at least when we asked people to pick a team to use. Sami shouted over at the unsuspecting Gaff who was giving it large in the kitchen and said "Which team are you Tom" The Gaff's reply was immense "Italy bruv Italy" Me and Sami cracked up as it was just a typical Tom moment, funny without intending to be.   And it just so happened that by the computer generated draw Sami and Tom would meet in the first round!

After an interesting battle Sami's Turkey knocked out Italy! I was laughing at this point, but my laughter soon ended. Without blowing my own trumpet i was considered a favourite to win the tournament alongside Sami, Tom and Matt. We had all played a fair bit before where as others had never played. I was up against Lindsay in my first game which i found hilarious!   I thought to myself "This team will get raped", but did not want to declare the fact out loud with her sitting next to me.   Gerard would have gone loco...Anyway i picked Denmark (who were strong in 92 at least) and at least i had the great dane Peter in goal. I cannot remember who Lindsay was, but i do remember crapping a brick or two when she scored to make it 1-1!!  I was in serious trouble and with just seconds remaining i managed to pull off a 2-1 win. I was pretty darn lucky truth be told and she knew it. I was getting ribbed a fair bit, but she was pretty good honestly!! Anyway i was just happy to have battled through it. Karel was not so lucky as he was eliminated by a computer team in the first round! In other games Florent was pretty impressive and scored a good win with Norway. Matt banged the goals in with Ireland to go through, i think Harold and Pierre also made it. I decided to make use of my whoopee cushion during sensi, by placing it on my victims seat before they sat down for their match!! Pierre, Matt and others got done big time! Pierre turned the tables and got me back then said "Someone did it to me" i said "yeah it was me" Typical Pierre and his brain. Forget Pinky and the brain this was Pierre THE brain..

As the quarter finals rolled round i would face computer opposition. Finland did not look very menacing, but they made short work of my defence. I came away with a win around the 4-2 mark, but looked pretty shakey. My defence was weaker than Harold's restraint levels....Florent also made the semi-finals which i was very impressed by. Sami's Turkey side also arrived in last four land and the semi's line up was completed with Matt's victory. Me vs Sami and Florent vs Matt. Four men left and not a Dutchman in sight! How typical when there is no money at stake!! They had already no doubt spent all their cash on yoghurts and booze. Never tried a yoghurt with beer! Any good??! And so Team UK had three representatives left and i was only sorry that i had to face Sami in the semi's. We had played some very strong battles before at his house and i knew this meeting would be just as good. Denmark and Turkey hardly looks a classic on paper, but i knew the goals would fly in and they did!   I think after a long, tough game i pulled away with a 5-3 or something victory. Me and Sami have both perfected the art of the long range screamer something that sadly Matt is pretty handy at too.....

Now i was pretty happy about making the final, but not to happy about facing Matt. He played Florent in the semi's and although Florent put up a good fight, he was just too strong for him. Very much like in real life, Matt had a knack of scoring the spectacular half way line strike on Sensible Soccer. His goal in Norway on the real football pitch was impressive enough, and keeping him out on Sensi was just as tough. A classic final was on its way.....

Part 35 coming soon!!!

Gerard would have gone loco...

Rub? No he wouldnt...I would have though


I was pretty darn lucky truth be told and she knew it.

Oh yes baby, I only needed 10 seconds longer...Next time...

Go the Cowboys!

The holiday that had everything!  PART THIRTY FIVE!!!!

And now at long last there would be an all UK final taking place in Norway'07. A real shame that it was not an "official" competition as such, but i guess there was bragging rights at stake for the victor. Matt was no easy task as i recall him beating me in the final before on English soil. It would be tough no doubt, however after being violated and disrespected by a certain Frenchman i was determined to get back my pride and earn a bit of respect. I was in the company of gaming greats and i needed to step up to the plate and deliver the goods. It was Denmark vs Ireland in the most unlikely of International finals you will ever see. The odds on a Danish/Irish final ever taking place would be huge although i would not mind watching a beer drinking contest between the two nations!  

After just a couple of minutes it became clear that this final would be different to your normal final. It very quickly became a game of oneupmanship and more a case of whoever missed the goal the most would lose. I think at half time it was some silly score like 4-3 to Matt. We were basically taking it in turns to smash it in from the half way line! To the on lookers it must have looked crazy, but it is a really effective way to score! 4-3 soon became 5-5 and 5-5 in the closing stages of the game became a dramatic 6-6! I mean the Pro Evo final was 5-4 which was crazy enough, but 6-6 and a penalty shoot out to come.   Sadly the computer is pretty much in control of if and when your goalkeeper dives or not. Therefore the whole thing was a bit of a farce. Luckily i outscored Matt from the spot to win the Sensible Soccer tournament. Pretty good work, which was appreciated by a few claps. No medals, no prize money, but hey who cares?!? I had the Johnny Cash anthem to sing to myself and anyone who gave two hoots. It did not make up for my shambolic Pro Evo efforts, but hey it was something.

The rest of Tuesday was basically spent doing whatever the hell we liked - within reason. Alistair decided he was going to spend his time annoying Neil. He firstly teamed up with Arbinder to get Pierre to hold a sign up declaring "My name is Neil" and took a photo of this comical pose!   He had been going on for days about how Neil and Pierre both looked alike and decided to wind things up further. Pierre played along with the joke and it was hilarious. This reached new heights when Neil started to throw a tantrum and proceeded to march around the room waving his fist and punching walls. His book 'Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' had been stolen and man was he going loops about it. 'Where is it' Neil asked, 'Where is what' i replied none the wiser at this point. 'My fucking book' Neil ranted, 'I have no idea mate, but i thought it was on the table where you were sitting' 'Well it's not there anymore is it' he replied, and was visibly shaking with rage. At this point i decided to play detective and asked various potential criminals if they knew where it was. Tom said no, but yet still looked incredibly guilty due to that naughty look he sometimes has in his eye. Sami, Arbinder and Eric also said they knew nothing about it. At this point Arbinder asked me to confront Ali. Ali at first denied it and then admitted to the act of high treason. I was convinced Neil would go balistic when the tructh was revealed. Ali had hidden the book in the bag room behind the curtain. Poor Neil went outside to cool off. It was a 1 pound book for goodness sake and yet it was the most animated he had been in days!! Neil eventually found his book and peace was once again restored. Neil was a happy camper, for the time being......

The likes of Karel and Arbinder were well up for another kick around and so it was decided that another trip to the football field would take place later. With no decision made as to when it would start, i decided to wander off, MP3 player plugged and take a stroll. It was high time i thought for me to get some fresh air and fully take in what had happened over the last few days. I really wanted some alone time and it gave me another chance to enjoy the true awesomeness and beauty of the Norway scenery. As i walked over the bridge with the stream running beneath and entered the great valley surrounding the football pitches once again i was amazed. This time i walked beyond the football pitches and down to the big lake. I could now fully appreciate this great country beyond the gaming arena. After about one and half hours i returned to the football pitch. I was greeted by the sigt of Florent ( Roger Federer) performing heroics in goal, Eric Scott once again running the show and Lindsay even hitting the post with a fierce drive! Had the world gone mad i wondered?!? The Gaff was on the sidelines having another one of his rests and so we agreed to go and 'heckle' poor Eric in goal. "Let's give him some grief" i said. And so the poor guy was subjected to a viscious torrent of crap australian accents and comments. "Strewth" "Stone the flamin crows" "You shoulda caught that one sport" Eric is such a legend, he took all the stick with a grin on his face. I was smiling until i was called into action. With my jeans rolled up to my knees i decided to start a new fashion trend in Norway. Looking the part, i proceeded to slip, fall and put in the worst footballing performance of my life. Gosh i could even get a trial for Watford playing as bad as that  ....

Part 36 Coming soon!!!

Don't listen to lindsay, I thought it looked very handsome.